.....I Could Own It.....
A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar in Newark, thinking about his wretched life, when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly schlep. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute.
He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him.
The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her. "Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there.."
"$100!?! For a handjob? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?"
The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside. "I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on hand jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This hand job was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.
The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible!" "Of course it was. Just wait til you try one of my blow jobs.."
"How much is that?"
"$500"
"$500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!"
"You see that apartment building across the street?" The guy looks out front at a 12 story apartment building. "I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blow jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints --twice.
The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up. "I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me, what'll it cost me for some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see Manhattan.
"You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon! You can't mean that!"
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a p\/$$y, I'd own Manhattan!"
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Yesterday is History, Tommorow is a Mystery, but today is a gift. Thats why it is called present.
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Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college, but, the girl was accepted to a> college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home,> and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and e-mails trying to win back her love. She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new> boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.
So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's (well, you know) and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone."
Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but, even more so, he was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome. He wrote on the back of the photo the following,
"Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money! I'm getting pretty> desperate!" and mailed the picture to her parents. ( Paybacks a Bitch, ain't it?? Damn!!!! )
There was a better one on Myspace with the boyfriend making his girlfriend cookies. Im dyin to find that Joke
__________________
Yesterday is History, Tommorow is a Mystery, but today is a gift. Thats why it is called present.
[sm=Awwww.gif]I thought I post up jokes for the ladies!
Why Cook Dough Is Better Than Men
1. It's enjoyable hard or soft.
2. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better.
3. It doesn't mind if you take your anger out on it.
4. You always want to swallow.
5. It won't complain if you share it with friends.
6. It's "quick and convenient".
7. You can enjoy it more than once.
8. It comes already protectively wrapped.
9. You can make it as large as you want.
10. If you don't finish it you can save it for later.
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AT LAST, SOMEONE SUMMED IT UP....
1 The nice men are ugly.
2 The handsome men are not nice.
3 The handsome and nice men are gay.
4 The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5 The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6 The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7 The handsome men without money are after our money.
8 The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
9 The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice, and have money, are cowards.
10 The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11 The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
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What Guys Should Know About Girls?
1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.
2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
3. Don't say you understand when you don't.
4. Girls are pretty; get over it especially yours.
5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. If you talk about having a big dick; we know you don't.
8. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want relation ships.
9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.
10. A system in your car only impresses your boys not us.
11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.
13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
14. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
15. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
16. We are Drama queens.
17. Fashion police do exist.
18. Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it, if you do us first.
19. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about.
20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
21.We don't shave our legs evryday; get over it.
22. Don't make bets about us; we always find out.
23. Shave; no matter how cool you think your go-T or beird or mustache looks, we hate it.
24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other strange gases from your body, it is not.
25. Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's; hers are fake, just remember that. (remember: u have a shot at ours than you ever will>with hers)
26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
27. We are beautiful at all times.
28. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren't.
29. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell can't you piss in the toilet and not on it.
30. Most importantly: we are always right; so don't forget it!!!![/i]
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What Girls are Really Saying
What We REALLY Mean
Can we just be friends? (There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch mine again.)
I just need some space. (Without you in it.)
Can you help me with my homework? (If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me.)
Do I look fat in this dress? (We haven't had a fight in awhile.)
No, pizza's fine. (Cheap bastard)
I just do not want a boyfriend now. (I just do not want YOU as a boyfriend.)
I don't know; what do you want to do? (I can't believe that you have nothing planned.)
Come here. (My puppy does this too)
I like you but... (I don't like you!)
You never listen. (You never listen.)
We're moving too quickly. (I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend.)
I'll be ready in a minute. (I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will.)
Oh, no, I will pay for myself. (I am just being nice; there is no way I am going dutch.)
Oh Yes! Right there!! (Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.)
I'm just going out with the girls. (We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.)
There's no one else....... (I am doing your brother)
Size doesn't count... (unless I want an orgasm.)
__________________
Yesterday is History, Tommorow is a Mystery, but today is a gift. Thats why it is called present.
[sm=Awwww.gif]I thought I post up jokes for the ladies!
Why Cook Dough Is Better Than Men
1. It's enjoyable hard or soft.
2. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better.
3. It doesn't mind if you take your anger out on it.
4. You always want to swallow.
5. It won't complain if you share it with friends.
6. It's "quick and convenient".
7. You can enjoy it more than once.
8. It comes already protectively wrapped.
9. You can make it as large as you want.
10. If you don't finish it you can save it for later.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Guys Should Know About Girls?
5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
21.We don't shave our legs evryday; get over it.
the cookies dough joke was great
now if i could get my boyfriend just to do 5., 6., 11, and 21. or at least have himunderstand them, id be a happy little girl and do whatever he wanted [sm=chairshot.gif][sm=chairshot.gif][sm=chairshot.gif]
[sm=Awwww.gif]I thought I post up jokes for the ladies!
Why Cook Dough Is Better Than Men
1. It's enjoyable hard or soft.
2. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better.
3. It doesn't mind if you take your anger out on it.
4. You always want to swallow.
5. It won't complain if you share it with friends.
6. It's "quick and convenient".
7. You can enjoy it more than once.
8. It comes already protectively wrapped.
9. You can make it as large as you want.
10. If you don't finish it you can save it for later.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Guys Should Know About Girls?
5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
21.We don't shave our legs evryday; get over it.
the cookies dough joke was great
now if i could get my boyfriend just to do 5., 6., 11, and 21. or at least have himunderstand them, id be a happy little girl and do whatever he wanted [sm=chairshot.gif][sm=chairshot.gif][sm=chairshot.gif]
The ones you noted mostly make sense, the thing about 5 is most girls seem to think it's fine to take it out on us, then get mad when we make it a point to not be around much that week [&:].
Location: Manassa, Colorado (Home of Boxer Jack Dempsey)
Posts: 22,071
RE: A Couple Jokes! Part XXX
Those were pretty good!!!
Dusty
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2004 SRT-4 w/Stage 1, M/B Exhaust, BOV, 3-D Taillights, MPx Front STB, $22.97 OCC, K&N Filters. Dodge Forum's FIRST Car of the Month!!!!
The Official Dodge Forum Joke Thread!
